Parenting

The best, concise, biblical parenting advice/teaching I have ever heard!  Forget the scores of parenting books, listen to this ONE sermon.



What did you think?  I'd love to hear your comments!

So. Pregnancy. (pregnancy part 1)

What has it been like for me?  I think it is a different journey for every mother-to-be, and one that I'm finding does not fit into the box of "normal" very often at all.

1st trimester:
Nice person inquiring, "Now how have you been feeling?"  Which must be the #1 most common asked questions to pregnant moms.  To the tune of 379 times a day [or something].  What they really mean to ask, and are just stating it nicer, is, "Have you been puking your guts out sick as a dog, hating all smells and foods, hardly able to get out of bed?"  Well, I didn't get morning sickness, but I WAS sick.  I set some sort of personal record not having a single day 'well' in the whole month of January.  Blah.  I managed to catch everything that was going around - Influenza A/the flu for two weeks followed immediately by a bad cold and just when I thought it was to the tail end of that... I caught another cold!  I had a terrible cough throughout and basically lost my voice - couldn't sing for six weeks.  I learned this is indirectly caused by pregnancy because your immune system is down (actually a good thing so it doesn't fight off the "foreign object" in your body - baby!), but it's still rough when pregnant during sick season!  Cool how God made our bodies work though, with the way our immune system naturally lowers itself to keep baby safe! :)  So that was the first three months!

Now, don't get me wrong; I am incredibly excited for end result [product], just maybe not so sure if I like the process.  But a baby is a wonderful blessing, so whatever it takes to get there, right?

2nd trimester:
I'm just part way through this one... month 4 was happy as some of my energy (after being sick for a month!) came back and I was excited to be super active and productive!
Other random uh... happiness? from pregnancy and a facial expression to go with each one:

• It took a while, but I have finally gotten used to not being able to see my waist.  Ha! :P
• I am so sick of making trips to the bathroom.  #pregnantmamasgottapee! :(
• My poor cute jeans are out; I can't wear anything except stretchy-waisted pants :/
• Only two slight "emotional" times... no pregnancy hormones? :D
• No major food cravings, though I do love chicken! :)
• I have REVERSE chocolate cravings - I used to like it... I thought I liked it... so sad, I could have this amazing reason to have tons of chocolate to satisfy a pregnancy craving and I have NO desire for it anymore!  I could care less! :'(

My amazing mother, and mother-in-law, and most women I knew growing up seemed to have relatively 'easy' pregnancies.  As in, it didn't phase them and they lived life as usual.  I envisioned being just like that, busy, energetic and active - hot summer and all - up until the very day the baby popped out!  Work, gardening, house decorating projects and life as usual, oh and by the way, I'm pregnant.

This is a huge misconception I had about pregnancy, because I am experiencing first hand, and finding through almost everyone I've talked to, that a 'normal' healthy pregnancy is less common that I thought.  Being told to "slow down" and "take it easy" was not exactly my picture of pregnant-super-mom.  But this is the road God has called me to travel.  It's not the same for everyone.  It might not go according to the books.  Everyone has their own experience.  This is my pregnancy journey.

20-weeks is halfway to the finish... of the start!

Travel Postponed

We have been waiting for this day for longer than we waited for our wedding day.  Like, two years - since we got married.  And a whole year before that while we were dating... three years really, that we have been hoping, dreaming, planning, saving $$ for and looking forward to this day.  Our 7-week trip was all planned out, starting off with a visit to the ship Logos Hope which is currently sailing in Asia, but more importantly to see Hong Kong where I grew up and visit my family where they live now, in mainland China.  "The trip of a decade!" we tease, since it's really not an affordable vacation to do often!  I have been SO EXCITED to take Ben back to my childhood roots and get to experience the culture of my previous home(s) together!!!

Then it crashed.  Not our plane.  Because... we weren't actually on one yet.  The dream.  Our China trip dream that was so close to happening we could almost smell the jet fuel and feel the humid tropical air.  But instead of leaving the Sanford Women's Clinic with the letter I requested - you know, the one that reassures airlines and the like that I am 18 weeks along, pregnancy is going well and I am perfectly fit to travel - I carry home a letter with the dreaded words, "She has a complication of pregnancy that was discovered today that makes it inadvisable to travel."

Inadvisable to travel.

Wow!  The whole picture can change so fast!  This isn't even the roller-coaster ride we've been on already that I was referring to at the end of my last post.  The 'complication' is that I am at risk for preterm labor due to a short cervix.  Hopefully this is just how my body is and I will go full term and then in the future it should not be a cause for concern.  However, since it is my first pregnancy (the very first was a miscarriage, so second actually) it is an unknown with no previous good pregnancies to fall back on, and all the signs point to at risk for preterm labor.  One of the things that has been proven to cause significantly more contractions (a bad thing if you have a short cervix) is travel, especially prolonged/overseas travel, thus heightening the risk that my body would go into labor way too early.  Aside from this is the fact that China (or the middle of the ocean on Logos Hope) does not have as good of medical care available as here - for me more so, were something to happen, because it would be too early for the baby to survive either place.

Thirteen hours before our plane left, and we had to make one of the hardest decisions ever so far.  Neither Ben nor I felt comfortable putting our little boy at unnecessary risk for our selfish reasons.  So we made the difficult choice to call off our trip at this time and are doing all in our power to help this pregnancy go full term.  Like our CNM said, "It won't be the last time your children will cause a change in your plans!"  We are trusting God that He will take care of our little one and that our trip will happen in His time!  

We don't know what God is doing or trying to teach us.  I don't know why He gives and takes away and gives again... only to take away again.  This was not how I wanted pregnancy to be.  I am enjoying this second trimester high energy and I was hoping to be highly active throughout and the kind of mom who's 8.5 months pregnant and out hoeing the garden and doing hard work without it phasing her one bit!  Why did the first one have to be a miscarriage?  Why is the second one this way?  Never did I imagine I would be the mother begging God that baby stays in the womb just one more day... and one more.  Why oh why can't I have a normal pregnancy??!

Having to postpone our trip is a LOT of disappointment for us.  We were SO looking forward to this trip and seeing my family and... everything!  Obviously we didn't make the decision lightly.  If something were to happen, I don't know if I could live with myself, without blaming myself or thinking maybe it's our fault because we heightened our risk by traveling.  Since there ARE things we can do to lessen the risk we are taking the recommendations of my very common sense midwife and certified nurse midwife.  In addition to not traveling, I am not supposed to lift much and not do (very much) exercise and lower my activity level and some other things.  Being a very active person this is pretty hard for me. :/  If seven weeks from now baby has not come (hopefully!) then I'm sure we'll play the second guessing yourself game and wonder if we would have been alright even if traveling.  But then again that might have been too much and may have caused a different outcome.  So we may never know.

One thing we do know; as devastated as we are, God has given us an indescribable peace about staying!  (After knowing what we know, we did not have a peace about going, even though that is what I wanted.)  Surprisingly we even had a good day today!

We are taking a few days away to process things and take these big changes one day at a time.  All we can do is trust God and hold our dreams in an open hand.

THE GOOD NEWS is that our sweet little baby is a BOY and he's growing strong and healthy and perfectly on track.  He's 7oz. now and moving around A LOT even though I haven't felt it yet! :)  18 weeks along today!  Praise God that we had an appointment BEFORE leaving (this almost didn't happen).

Here are some milestones you can pray with us for our little boy to meet (hopefully all still safely in the womb!):

According to what my CNM said...

24 weeks - about the earliest babies can survive with the highest technology in the States

28 weeks - 100% of premie babies survive, with less than 10% having long-term issues 

36 weeks - baby can survive without NICU (some at 34 weeks)

40 weeks - full term

Praise the Lord that Delta Airlines refunded our biggest flight tickets 100%, and Ben is working hard communicating with the others.  We would appreciate your prayers that we would be able to get money back from the other two flights as well!  Our China visas last a year, so it's possible we could go after our little guy is born!

Proverbs 16:9  The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.


Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

The Trip

Long story made short (trust me, this is going somewhere!  Actually, literally!  WE are GOING somewhere!!!  But I must not get ahead of myself...)

I spent 17 years of my childhood (and teen-hood) overseas.
In Hong Kong and mainland China to be exact.
My family is still there.
Different culture/currency/language/holidays/you-name-it.
All things mentioned above formed who I am today.

That's it in a nutshell.  Though Ben has heard some stories, and yes, he's met my family, he hasn't experienced Asia; hasn't SEEN where I grew up.  Something must be done to remedy this!

SO WE ARE TAKING A TRIP!  Now this is not just a little "oh, let's take a quick little trip!" trip.  Oh, no!  We have been saving $$ for it for almost two years (it didn't take that long, though trip savings was in addition to our regular save-for-a-house and retirement savings).  A year ago we put some dates on the calendar for this spring so we would have some end goal/projected dates of travel.  Those dates are coming up and... we are actually going!  I say that with some surprise because you see, it's been a roller coaster of a ride not knowing exactly when we would be going!

When my grandparents went in the late fall of 2012, we looked up quick and briefly threw around the crazy idea of going with, but it was too short-notice and too busy a time for us - it was just not feasible. So we were thinking this winter/spring.  But then Sam (Ben's boss, also happens to be his dad :)) had rotator cuff surgery on his right shoulder.  With one guy out of four (the most well-trained and the leader at that) out of commission, we didn't feel right about leaving as long as Ben was needed to be his right-hand man.  So we would maybe postpone our trip to the fall?  We weren't really sure.  However, still enduring pretty severe daily (and nightly) pain, Sam is pushing through and bounced back faster than we thought in a lot of ways.  He's driving, taking phone calls, handling the business and doing service calls like normal, except for not lifting things (and all the above things with one hand).  It will make it tougher for the business, no doubt, but mom and dad are the type to seize remarkable opportunities and encourage their kids to do the same.  So they are encouraging us to go! :)

Of course my parents are overjoyed and we are super excited to see them!!!!

We will be leaving in March and coming home in April!  More stories of our already adventurous roller-coaster-emotions of a trip coming soon!!!

Christmas Letter 2012

Well, hopefully for those of you in the US of A, you already received our Christmas card/letter!  For all our friends overseas, we're sure you won't quite get it before Christmas (*ahem* that may or may not be because we still have them... :P), so here's our Christmas end-of-the-year update!

Merry Christmas!

         We have been married almost two years now - we can hardly believe it!  Time flies and we can honestly say we enjoy every minute and are so thankful for life together!  (Our favorite night of the week is date night! J)

Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge. - Proverbs 23:12 ESV

         This year has been a time of seeking for us.  Understanding how to prioritize and balance ministry, work and family isn’t an easy thing to do.  Marriage requires a lot of work, but the rewards of a great relationship far outweigh the time and effort spent!  Prioritizing a set amount of time each day to be spent in prayer (together as a couple) has been a great new habit.  Reading has been a big part of 2012, and thanks to EntreLeadership, we developed personal mission statements that helped to push us to a more purpose driven life.  Another book that we learned a lot from was Boundaries, about relating with people and how to say yes to the truly important things.  We love to ask questions and listen to the advice of Godly role models we would like to emulate.  Our ‘Christmas wish’ this year, and every year, is that we are doing what God wants us to with our lives, our time and our careers.

     Naomi   became a certified emergency medical First Responder and though our rural area does not get many calls, she appreciates the first aid knowledge gained and sense of responsibility, and loves serving her community.  She also learned how to drive a manual car. J  After an additional summer job as cashier at Walmart, Naomi switched from that and serving pizzas, to investing in children’s lives at Walnut Grove Elementary school!   She is a paraprofessional (teacher’s assistant) in preschool, working with 30 three, four and five year olds every day!

         We love living close to Ben’s family and often are a part of the action and excitement that’s happening over on their hobby farm (including a new baby sister, Alaina Blessing)!  Towards the beginning of the year, Ben had time to work on the house we hope to someday live in and buy, but for now we are still across the road in Purves’ rental.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful neighbors!  We became members of Tracy Alliance Church and also teach Sunday school for 1^st-6^th grade.  The past few months Naomi headed up Operation Christmas Child at our church, and the grand finale was taking a group to the Minneapolis processing center where we shipped the boxes off to bless children in Uganda!  We are saving up $$ and planning a big trip to visit Naomi’s family in China, Lord willing sometime in 2013!

     Ben  continues to work for Sahlstrom’s Heating and in September became a Journeyman plumber.  He not only passed the difficult test, he did so with such a high score the proctor personally called him to congratulate him!  Being a Journeyman is one year away from his Master Plumber license. Those of you who knew the big-spender Ben would hardly recognize the wise, frugal saver he is now!  Listening to The Dave Ramsey Show has sparked a growing interest in finance.  We are seeking God for life direction and long-term career plans for Ben and our family in the future.

         One of our biggest highlights this year was learning a lot of practical things about wise money management according to the Bible through Dave Ramsey’s 9-week course, Financial Peace University!  Since the class wasn’t offered in our area, we became class coordinators so we could host it.  The first time we went through it as a small group with several other young couples, and then this fall hosted it at our church with 40+ people from the church and community attending! God has given us a desire to help people in this area of life, and we are passionate about continuing to live as an example and offering hope to others!

May the Joy  and Peace  brought through Christ’s coming fill you with Hope  for the New Year!

Ben & Naomi

Sorry all the pictures are white... it's kind of a blizzard

Well, we are in a full blown honest-to-goodness BLIZZARD! Like the Little House on the Prairie kind - up until now my only picture of what it is even like. It is very white. And blowing.  Even in the more sheltered area of the yard, you can't look into the wind and even so, all of us girls' makeup was smeared all over our faces from the flying wet snow. Out on the road the wind is CRAZY blowing snow everywhere! You have to walk backwards into the wind, and oh how it howls through the pines!  We all looked ridiculous too, but when it's so cold (and windy), you start to not care what you are wrapped up in just so long as every possible inch of skin is covered!

AND, I just got a weather alert over my pager: All the highways are closed, so we are officially SNOWED IN!!!! Strange to think we can't even go 2 miles home if we wanted to.

Church was cancelled earlier so we had home church over with the Sahlstrom family and that's where we're snowed in!  Just hanging out in the cozy indoors!

This picture was when the wind was just starting to pick up, the visibility is worse now!  From Sahlstrom's we can still see the shop, but not the mailbox!

If you want to see more pictures you can go to my FB album here.  I miss you Josiah, Caleb, Anna, Noah, Grace, Isaiah, Lydia and Hope!  It would be so much fun to see your reaction to a blizzard and enjoy it with you!

Rippling Effects

Skipping stones this last weekend while camping made me think about money.  Yup, money!  Even though a stone is small, the wavelets that spread out each time the stone skips have far-reaching effects.

Pastor loaned Ben these two DVDs - they were round and smooth... ok, enough with the skipping stones analogy! - to watch as part of pre-marital counseling a year and a half ago.  Those DVDs, on managing finances by Dave Ramsey, started us on a journey that has really just begun!  Nearly every day since then, Ben has listened to the Dave Ramsey Show podcast for wisdom, entertainment, and motivation.  He even called in the other day with a question!


1. Click on the link:  http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/#archives-tab
2. Go to "Archives" and choose Thur June 21, 2012
3. Wait for it to load, then move the slider to 1:41 and it will be Ben's call on live air! :)


What have we found out?  We're incredibly grateful to our parents (both sides) for giving us a great foundation and the basic wise principles for handling money - give, save, spend and don't spend more than you make - but we don't want to stop there!  There's so much more to learn!  Investing, mortgages, mutual funds, saving for retirement, how and when to buy a house, emergency fund, life insurance, etc. etc.  There's a great teacher out there for this kind of stuff - Dave Ramsey!  (as Larry Burkett was for our parents' and grandparents' generation)  He teaches smart financial stewardship from a Christian perspective.  Just what we needed!

So we enrolled in (or rather, became group coordinators for) Financial Peace University (FPU), a 13-week course on dumping debt, making a budget, and learning to 'live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else!' (and GIVE like no one else!)  We're doing it with three other young couples, just married or soon to be married.

Cutting up our credit cards!

You CAN live debt free!
You CAN retire rich!
You CAN change your family tree!
 
Try it!  Here's a FREE quick budget tool!  Check it out!

And now guess what??!  It's not just changing the lives of the four couples in the class; by living it out it is impacting a generation up (all of our parents), slowly but surely changing the behavior of coworkers, and even helping other young couples far away make a budget and get inspired!  Lord willing, come fall we'll host the class again and open it up to more families from our church and community!

By God's grace the ripple will become a tsunami.

The Trip to Sahlstrom Camp

20:10  Departure from the Sahlstrom family farm! Many flip-flops, pillows, swimsuits and much bedding aboard the 15-passenger! Ben is driving, Naomi (riding shotgun), and Charisma, Becca, Amelia, Katrina, Erina and Simeon - we are the crazy ones - leaving so late makes our ETA around 02:30! The rest of the family (and the food) will come tomorrow! Our destination? Sahlstrom (family reunion) Camp at Skunk Lake, WI!



20:35  Picked up a hitchhiker! The dude's name is Herman and in good Sahlstrom fashion we are bringing him along to family camp!

21:05  Herman peed.  The rest of us have to wait till we stop.

23:17  Charisma just declared that Herman is NOT allowed to have a french fry!  Charisma the good nanny; she is babysitting him and taking good care that he does not climb out and bite Ben or me.  And ever the good little mother, "It is time for you to go to SLEEP now, Herman!" as she whaps him down with her flip-flop.

23:55  We finally found a river.  And Herman had to go.  Bye bye, turtle!

00:00  Just finished chatting with my Aussie mate!  Tummy's full with an almost-midnight snack at MickeyD's we have three(?) out so far, 4 to go... and Ben better not fall asleep! ;)

02:05  Arrived at the camp!  Woke everyone and stopped at the outhouse.

02:45  Van's unloaded and all the kids are settled!  Ben took sleepy night pictures and now it's time for him and I to turn in!  Can't wait for tomorrow!!!

[Later:  I think I was sleeping soon after 3am... Ben was a different story!  He did so well staying alert and driving us safely that he was wired and took a while to wind down!  In the end he slept from about 4am to 6:45!  Only 6:54??!!!!  I slept until a good 10:30 or so... and was the second to last person to get up! :)]

New Design!

Welcome to my blog!  This is where I document my life, write and keep family and friends around the world updated!

As you'll notice I have a new, clean, simple design now... with options for how YOU like to view it!  Click near the top left where it says "Classic" for many different layout styles - my personal favorites are "Classic" and "Magazine"!  If you hover with your mouse over on the right, more bars will pop out where you can still read "About Me" section and subscribe to my blog!

Thanks for visiting, come back soon!  Oh, and try something new today!

~Naomi

pinks & blues

Pink Easter Bonnet Daffodils for a girl, Blue Scillas for a boy!

We'll meet you in heaven, little one! <3

A Special Day

Today is a special day!  Today is a birthday - the actual would-have-been birth day - of our first child!  It was my due date.  Funny how I don't remember off the top of my head which day I had the miscarriage, but this day, May 3rd, is forever seared in my memory.

I hope the angels have a party for you, Baby.  Sunshine and colorful balloons and fluffy cotton-candy clouds!  Oh, how I miss to see what your face looks like!  

And oh the irony - cruel, cruel irony.  Instead of having a baby in my arms, I am practicing a flip on the trampoline, still a child myself.  Life is very different than it would have been.

Out of six pregnancies that I knew of - my own mom and my mother-in-law included - 5 out of 6 of the babies died (including vanishing twin syndrome and a stillbirth).  With my first pregnancy experience ending in miscarriage, and being surrounded by all these others, it is hard to believe that we can have a 'normal' healthy pregnancy and baby someday.  So I want to introduce to you, on this special day, the baby who brought hope... the ONE baby who lived!!!

Lilly Claire  born March 4, 2012 :)

She is special to me in a deeper way because she signifies LIFE and HOPE and JOY!  And she gives me COURAGE, that maybe next time the outcome will be different; that someday we can have a baby!  (And we will get to meet little Lilly in June!  Yay!!!  Our friends live in far away WI. :P)

Later pictures will be coming of the bulbs we planted that are blooming this week!

Home Alone 2

Dad and Mom are gone to Hawaii to visit sister Annika, so we have 10 days home alone!  Not alone per se, with six kids, two big sisters, a Ben and Naomi, Grandma and Aunt B!  This is just the right conditions for...

...PARTY TIME!!!!

actually NOT.  

The youth thought they were coming over for TrueU (Bible study), but had an April Fool's surprise instead - scrubbing floors!  Haha, well, we didn't make them work TOO hard and Ben was the hardest worker of all! ;)

Reuben and Simeon cleaned the boy's room

First asparagus of the year!

BEFORE

AFTER

Tracy's newest hobo  No, I mean, he is being well cared for, well fed and well clothed... ok, maybe not the last one?  Honest!  He's doing great! :D

and the littlest dinner-bell-ringer!

It must be Spring!

Last Sunday we were riding snowmobiles and sleds (our 'one day of winter' as it seemed for this year); today we were riding the 4-wheeler and bikes, jumping on hay bales and flying kites!  We even found the first green grass!   Some family members absolutely went berserk when they spotted a robin at lunch - a robin means spring, I learned.  And SOMEONE shyly admitted they were even wearing their swimsuit under their clothes!  Maybe that's a little optimistic there, Erina!

This was last Sunday afternoon, and pretty much all the winter we got!

...and a parting shot of the cutest couple this winter:

And with that, winter is officially OVER!!!!!!!  Sunshine and warm weather, you are invited every day, so just keep on coming!  On the farm is the best place to be in the springtime! <3

House Project 101

This is what our house currently looks like:

You're probably thinking, Kind of the same as the last picture I saw of it, have they done anything??? And I feel it is my great privilege and duty to tell you YES!!!  ("See, no stairs!")  The frustrating part of  building/remodeling a house is that for the first 95% of it, you can't see much progress!  And in the last 5%, you see 95% of the progress as walls get painted, decorated, and in general, moved in.

Ben is working so diligently and so hard over there every day, for now in the 'invisible stage' of reinforcing, straightening, leveling, exchanging, and bracing so that the floor will be even enough for flooring and the walls will stay standing! :)  And I just want to point out all his work even if you can't SEE it as easily, because he is doing an amazing job and he is only ONE man for this very big project! And for goodness' sakes, we are only 21 and designing and figuring out how you want to build your house seems very intimidating (to me especially) and something that people in their 30's or 40's, with lots of experience living in houses, might start to do about now!  Yikes!

We are pressing on and someday when it's done it will be great!

My Saturday mini-project was visiting other people's kitchens, taking measurements and getting ideas, and picking the wives' brains as to what they love about their kitchen and what they would improve and all the little things in-between!  Many thanks to the families who let me snoop in every one of their kitchen cupboards and drawers - it was fun!  Haha! ;)

This is my beautiful sister-in-law Charisma and her monstrous batch of monster cookies!  They have chocolate chips, m&ms, peanut m&ms, peanut butter... and OATMEAL!  <-- See?  They are healthy! And oh, so good! :)

And another picture of her... (I love this one!)

Oh yes, I am so blessed to have a sister who blesses us very often with her baking (pumpkin pie just the other day...)!  Of which I shall continue to be the very happy beneficiary! :D

Millionaire

If I could make money from my ideas, I would be a millionaire.  It would work if I could just find someone who needs them!  Or, as my loving and supportive husband says, if I someday had a good enough idea!

I'm always brainstorming, always the entrepreneur, trying to advance up, invent something, change the world!  Ok, that last one went a little far (little bit TOO optimistic there, Naomi!), so moving on... to my next idea!  

It's not even about the money, though unfortunately most of my ideas require some!  I have a passion for children, for learning, for teaching, for seeing wives and mothers live out their Godly calling.  I just need to wrap it all up in a self-supporting (doesn't necessarily have to make money, just has to support itself) practical lifestyle that I could start NOW!  Patience, as is probably typical (though still not justified), is not a top trait of an entrepreneur.   

In the second-half of the chapter we read from Dave Ramsey's book EntreLeadership, he introduces the word "Mompreneur" (moms who are entrepreneurs, working from home or a variety of other ideas and the like) which is my coolest new word of the day and set me on fire all over again!

Poor Ben, he is so patient with me as I jump from one inspiration to the next!  It is a roller-coaster of an adventure - the ride of a lifetime! (who wouldn't want to come along, anyway?!) - that starts with one idea that leads to the next to the next to the next... "What about the house!!!?????"  he cries, as we go flying off.  (Our long-term taking-a-long-time-project that needs to be completed.)

"Don't worry, it'll still be sitting here when we come back around someday!"  (Envision something like Santa's sleigh flying back to the house and swooping round it.  Also, a play on words that someday I'll come down from the clouds back to my senses and do something practical!) 

Currently I work at Pizza Ranch, which is a great place to start!  I really do like working there, so I'm aiming to work my way up to manager.  I just found out that MN is one of five states left that still hold the minimum wage at $7.25 for waitresses PLUS tips!  We could save a lot more money faster if I worked at a full-service restaurant such as Perkins.  So maybe I could get an evening job there.  After working at the front counter at Pizza Ranch for the lunch hour.  Or the Bistro, a super fancy restaurant in the downtown.  At up to $40 a plate, probably the people frequenting there would tip even better for exceptional service!  It would be top-notch of course, because when I decide to do something, I am going to do it WELL!  Coinciding with whatever food service job I may have, I could take a short course and test to become a first responder serving the small town of Tracy (one of the ideas of this week).  With just a little more training (about 3 months) I could be certified as a basic EMT.  I loved the drills on the ship, having responsibility and being prepared for emergencies, (and have dreamed of being a first responder to worldwide disasters) so this would be right up my alley!  Just today we took the class and did some shooting to get our Permit to Carry...  and now I have learned one more thing!  Ever learning, ever onward.  Which reminds me that I would like to be a teacher.  To home school our kids, and if I studied for and took the Pre-Professionals Skills Test (PPST, now called Praxis I, I think?), I could homeschool other people's kids.  My dream would be to run a one-room schoolhouse!  Upon considering that idea more, it might be better to adjust it slightly, to be a sort of on-call person who could invest in helping mothers teach their own children.  I could be knowledgeable about a lot of curriculums, do lots of research, be a great encouragement, write a blog for these moms and tonight I started writing a book to that effect!  Be prepared, long-time home school moms!  Some survey questions might be coming your way soon!  These latest ideas are after we've narrowed down my vision and goals through writing a life mission statement.  Which helped me say "no" to several job offers I've received lately:  Three times I've been asked/told I should be a car salesperson, offered a $30,000/yr + full benefits full-time job with Schwans as a Route Sales Representative Trainee, and the latest, a Mary Kay professional beauty consultant.  This was after wondering about being a photographer and initially getting a job at PictureMe!  I almost forgot the things I'm working on right now, that would be Medical Transcription courses, learning about and implementing interior design for our house, and teaching Sunday school.  Of course, my life dream to be a wife and a mom haven't changed; I figure I'll just do more things along the way!    

Whew!  Did that tire anyone else out?  And these are just some of my ideas from the last, oh, four months or so.  I come up with an average of about three new ideas for my life per week, and a new revelation this week has proved that when I drink coffee (caffeine) it can jump to as many as 3 per DAY!!!  The Energizer bunny on steroids - an understatement.

"Hang on, Benjamin!  We're in for the ride of our life!!!"  You are the most understanding fun man I could ever spend it with! <3

And from today...

      

'I belong to no one'

What would it be like to belong to no one?

It's almost christmas - I don't have my grandparent's or parent's home to go to... because I simply don't have family.  None.  Zilch.  I am a family of one.  Except, I don't think 'family' can be singular.  If there's only one it's 'alone'.  Yup, that's me; I don't belong to anyone. 

I don't have a curfew, which many teenagers might envy.  But I just wish there were someone who cares what time I come home... or if I come home at all.  I wish I would have a real home to come back to.  Looking to the future it would be cool to get married someday.  But I need to find another loner like me.  It wouldn't be fair to him that I would get a family out of the deal because I don't have family he'd be joining.  I will never have a Dad to walk me down the aisle. 

I had dreams too, you know.  I imagined being pushed on a swing by a smiling person called Mom.  My 6-year-old joy would have been indescribable!  I wanted to know what it would be like to have a Grandma who baked the best pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving.  Would I help roll out pie crust or would I be outside with Grandpa showing me how to shoot a rifle?  How about as a family to go sledding in the park in the winter?  In my mind's eye I could see us walking across the snow, seeing all the other fathers out with their daughters having the best Saturday of their life, at least it would be of mine!  But it's all in the past tense because it's too late for me to make any of those childhood memories.
Age 17 was my last chance for a normal life.  That was the year I heard someone say, "My plate's full.  I have a full house!  God's given me enough with my own two grown children, one teenager at home yet and grandkids coming over..."  I'm only 5'1 since I was preemie; I don't take up much room.  And no space for me in their mansion of a house?  Did they not read in the Bible the 47 times it says to care for the orphans?     

I waited a long time for a family and they never came.  I don't have a family and I never will.  I'll never get my turn to be someone's kid because I 'aged-out'.... of the System.    

Suzanne L. __________  

Age 18, American Foster Care System   

P.S.  I am Suzanne Lauren __________, with no last name because I belong to no one.

"Our baby is in Jesus' Arms now"

And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”  Job 1:21 (ESV)

Ben got these flowers for me the day before you went to be with Jesus

Baby, 

This is the only (sort of) "family" picture we have...  Your dad is a photographer you know.  We were going to get some amazing pictures of you and us...  He and I loved you very much!  We were excited to meet you, but I guess now we have to wait a little longer.  Your Uncles and Aunts and Grandparents-to-be were very excited too - one of your uncles had been praying for a long time that you would come.  He wanted to give you four-wheeler rides, go exploring with you and show you how to catch minnows in the pond.  Mama had a lot of dreams for you too!  I was going to have a baby for the first time!  You were going to be born in the spring and all summer I would keep you nearby as we planted a garden, made supper for Daddy coming home, and kept our house tidy.  We hoped to be moved into our new house before you arrived.  We wanted you to have a really nice home to grow up in.  You would grow up healthy and free in the country.  Some days you might have even gone to work with Dad and gotten a lolly at the hardware store!  Dad would also teach you how to work on cars, fix pipes and wire stuff, though if you were a girl you'd be more interested in the kittens that play in the shop!  You would be Mama's little helper!  I was looking forward to building forts with you in the woods, teaching you your ABC's and letting you pursue your interests.  We were going to keep each other company while Dad is at work every day.  He works so hard for us, and he loved you too you know.Well, I need to go and stop crying and try to be cheerful for your Daddy!  It's supper time.  Just wanted to let you know that we miss you.   

Love, your Mama

Even though I was eight weeks along, we think the baby died or stopped developing at seven weeks (this is what it looked like).

I never got to sing you a lullaby so I'll have to sing this "Lullaby of Love".  It's a really neat song for anyone who's lost a little one through miscarriage.

And in memory of you we're going to plant a tree -- someday -- maybe in the spring.  Because trees are growing, and living, and full of LIFE!  Just as you are, in heaven with Jesus. :')