Blog Renovation - Work in Progress!

The summer weather and beautiful outdoors is enticing me to abandon writing in exchange for more active things inspiring to look at through the window as I work on my blog.  That's what I'm supposed to say, right?  I am hoping that you are having too much summer fun (weekends camping, family gatherings, travel) to notice my temporary absence from blogging as I get my new one set up and move and edit all old posts!

What could be more perfect timing for me moving and growing my blog than this giveaway?  I would really like to learn how to improve my blog so it's just... more fun to read, like theirs!

Now, if only I could figure out the perfect title and logo header...  I am not artsy at all!  So if you have an idea - any idea - I would so appreciate it if you'd leave a comment!  To help you out, here's the focus of my blog:

Mom blog

Personal/Family life
Inspirational writing and Devotional thoughts (for women/moms)
Motherhood - including pregnancy/miscarriage, raising kids (serious and humorous; practical)
Education - Home schooling/Unschooling, learning styles, creative ideas, resources and encouragement

Though it will have a "natural" bent, I am NOT blogging about "all-natural" living and home remedies, DIY makeovers, cooking and recipes, photography or making $$ from home - I'll leave that to mom bloggers who have a passion (and talent!) for those topics!

Moving Soon!

Moving soon - WordPress here we come?!

Ok, so before I get on about the move, I have to tell you about this awesome photo editor/collage maker that I found for FREE!  With it I made the cool vintage pin-able text-on-photo picture above.  {Yes, that's me... a lot of years ago!}   www.picmonkey.com is the website.  Photos are perfect for Pinterest!  Now that my happy rant is over...

YES!  We're moving soon!  Nothing new in my life {so far}, though this time I'm not having to pack any suitcases or boxes.  I'm a little apprehensive and a bit scared, so I decided I'd blog about it to get it out there and face my fear!  Mostly, it's because it's a one-way move - can't go back - AND it costs $$. Which of course makes me have to think about it for forever before making a final decision.  Where are we going?  Actually, I'm just sitting here on my couch, but I am debating {well, probably 90% decided} about moving my blog to a WordPress.org site.  What does that mean for you?  No worries!  Bear with me in the upcoming renovation stages as it changes looks and colors and hopefully in a couple months it will have a fresh new face and be a whole lot more user-friendly for you, the reader!  So, just sit back and chill while I excitedly figure out how to make this move happen!

How to Start Cloth Diapering

Popular newborn cloth diaper brands

Isn't it... yucky?

I love little kids.  I love babies.  My only memory related to cloth diapers comes from way back when I was a child - on the verge of nightmarish really, it was so traumatizing.  I was holding a  chunky baby with an even bulkier 'diaper' or wad of cloth - not really sure, that was sticking out everywhere and was partially coming off, AND I realized to my horror, was disgustingly wet through all layers of clothes (so that's where the wetness was coming from!) and smelled like pee.  If that is your memory (or imagining) of cloth diapers, well that is NOT what we are talking about here!

I am working hard to put this less-than-pleasant preconceived impression of cloth diapers out of my mind as I am now planning to cloth diaper.  Modern cloth diaper, said with emphasis on the modern.  I like to make that distinction so when people's eyes fly wide at it's mention I can assure them it is different these days. 

I should mention a few conditions though.  I plan to cloth diaper AS LONG AS they are not bulky or leaking through with everything wet all the time.  (See above traumatic memory.)  And the sprayer.  I can do it with the sprayer.  (That nice invention that hooks up to the water going to the toilet for spraying off soiled parts so there's no scrubbing out by hand.)  Without it, I could forget the whole thing.  

So yes, baby on hip, sprayer in hand, it will not be that bad!

Reasons people cloth diaper

There seem to be three main reasons people use cloth.

1. Save money
2. Save baby's skin (disposables have chemicals that lead to more rashes, cloth is more "natural")
3. Save the environment

Saving $$ is great (that's our reason); saving all around is a win-win!  (How could you not be happy about that??!)  Yes it is more work, but since I will be a stay-at-home mom, doing something that saves our family money is like me having a part-time job that I can do from home!  Saved $$ = Earned $$   

Before we move on, I want to mention that there might be a fourth reason that's up and coming as well.  It seems that cloth diapering is coming back "in" in my generation as if it were a fad.  It is more lasting than a fad, and has good sound reasons, but it is a marketed product and companies are working hard to get you to spend hundreds on cute prints that you just can't pass up.  And those things your baby poops in?  They come in super expensive designer brands nowadays - all vying for your loyalty!  Why would you ever even think to spend so much on something for Junior to pee in?  Because it's cool.  It's what the cool/hippy/chic mamas do.  Goes right along with natural pregnancy, natural health, home-grown/gardening/whole foods, being green and recycling, pretty much natural anything.  I think of kefir, kombucha, home births, home schooling and homeopathy.  With so many rad modern styles out there, I can be a hip mom and cloth diaper!

Cloth diapering for beginners

Jaimee does a GREAT job explaining the different styles of diapers, how each works, and the accessories you'll need.  Simple, easy to understand, not overwhelming and yet all the information you need to feel equipped to begin researching and shopping for cloth diapers!  You can start with this video or head over to her channel to easily access all seven parts!

Now for a couple other helpful links that were given to me that I am passing on to you...

http://www.kellyscloset.com  (One stop shop for many different brands.  My advice would be, check Amazon or eBay for possible better prices first though!)

http://www.clothdiaperaddiction.com (Reviews on most all the common brands plus some!)

The basics you'll need

In figuring out how this looks and works practically and doing a cost analysis, don't forget these main items for successful cloth diapering:

• 2 dozen diapers for every other day washing (this is a rough estimate and will vary depending on what kind you are using and baby's age)
• Pail (like a large plastic trash can with a lid)
• Pail liner
• Wet bags (to take when going out in your diaper bag for the soiled ones)
• Spray bottle
• Small travel-sized spray bottle (for diaper bag)
• Cloth wipes
• Detergent (check out brands like Rockin' Green, BumGenius, Mountain Green and Thirsties Super Wash Combo)
• Toilet sprayer

One thing I hadn't thought of (before watching above videos) was cloth wipes.  What are you going to do with disposable ones (as in, where to put them in the middle of a diaper change) if you're not throwing the diaper away??!  I have heard baby washcloths work well or you can make your own.  I am currently keeping my eyes out for any material we might already have that could be up-cycled and cut up into nice cloth wipes (that won't fray).

Give yourself a head start with this advice

Random tidbits in no particular order.

"cd" is an abbreviation for cloth diaper(ing)

The most popular and best brand (seems to be the overwhelming majority) for pail liners and wet bags is PlanetWise.

Get a  variety of different styles and brands of diapers.  This goes against my natural desire to have everything uniform and matching, but I am so glad I took this advice and got different kinds to try!  They may fit different babies differently, or at different stages.  Some may have tendencies to leak and not work for your kid and others may be great.  Do I like snaps or velcro, pocket, AIO's or prefolds?  I don't know.  After I figure out what works best, I'll sell the kinds I don't like and replenish my stock (if needed) with the kinds I do.  

They hold their resale value quite well.  New ones of the common name brands go for $15-$20 per diaper!  If you're doing it to save money, I suggest you buy used (like I did) off eBay, Craigslist, diaperswapper.com or garage sales.  Used of the common name brands still sell for around $10-$15 per diaper.  Yikes!  That is still a lot if your goal is saving $$!  But if you are patient (and refuse to get caught up in the game of bidding), you CAN find a good deal on these same name brands in very good or excellent condition.  From lots of research, asking people, and watching the going prices, a "good deal" is $7 or less per diaper.  I have averaged from $4.50 to $6.44 per piece for the 38 diapers and covers I have gotten so far.  Most do not go for that low, so be willing to see a lot go by... plan ahead so that you have time to be patient and wait for the big one (the great deal)!  Hint:  MyiBidder.com is a great tool to use so you don't get sucked into the big black hole of eBay!

Use disposables for the first few days of meconium (it will stain diapers badly), and look up special instructions before using diaper rash cream (can ruin absorbency/stain).  Diaper rashes should not be as prevalent with cloth anyway as many are caused by sensitivity to all the chemicals in the disposable diapers.

Keep a few disposables - or make sure to have some easy AIO's or pocket diapers - on hand for the babysitter, grandparents, days when you're sick or even you or your hubby in the middle of the night!  And for trips longer than a couple days, forget the cloth diapering if it's not convenient for you!  (Are you really going to wash poopy diapers in grandma's washer?  And remember, she has no sprayer!) No one will think you're a bad mom.  

How much does it cost to cloth diaper? (What's the savings?)

This could almost be a post in itself.  For every family and situation it may look a little different, so here's a simple way to figure out the savings vs. cost.  Italics are my numbers.

1. How much do you spend monthly on disposable diapers?  How many diapers per day do you use (multiply by 30 for monthly expense) or how many boxes per month and what is the cost of each [box]?  If this is your first child (like me!), ask friends to get a realistic idea.  Cheapest generic diapers = $60 to $70 per month  Don't forget to add about $15 for disposable wipes!
2. How much will a cloth diaper stash cost?*  $200 - $400 for used, depending on the kind.  This varies a lot, so how much can you afford or want to spend?  Prefolds are cheapest and by the way are not necessarily cheaper to buy used.  *If your baby is preemie or smaller than 8-10#, they might not be able to wear one-size diapers just yet, requiring you to buy a newborn size stash or you can use disposables for the first few months.
3. Don't forget accessories!*  I'm thinking the items on the above list for maybe $150 or $200?  This is totally a guess, and hopefully it's a little high.  This will be an initial big cost, but then you'll be set.  *In case you're concerned, one of my friends did a very detailed tracking of cost for extra water/electricity usage and the difference was so minuscule it is not even worth mentioning. 

Now, do the math.  

Cloth diaper stash + Accessories = Total cost of cloth diapering

Total cost of cloth diapering / Monthly cost of disposable diapers = Number of months cloth diapering will take to "pay for itself"  

Example:  $300 + $200 = $500    $500/$70 = 7.14 or just over seven months  

Notice I went high on the diaper and accessories estimates and low on disposables/wipes, so worst case scenario it will take 7 months to start seeing the savings.  I would like it to be only 4-6 months.

After that it's all SAVINGS!!!!!  Since babies are in diapers past seven months, it WILL be a savings.  Add up how many months you think your kid will wear diapers multiplied by the monthly cost for disposables and there you have it!  And assuming you can use most things for the next child, it will be 100% savings from the get-go!

(20mo. - 7mo.) x $70 = $910  So my extremely conservative estimate of our first-child savings will be around $1,000!  If our second child wasn't potty trained until 2.5 yrs, and diapers were more like $80/month the savings would look like 30mo. x $80 = $2,400  ($1,900 if you take out the total cd cost for a first child) which is pretty huge for what you otherwise would be throwing away (and it harming some part of our earth to boot :P)!  

However, in order to START cloth diapering, you need an initial amount of money ($500 in our examples) to buy everything needed.  Which is more than $70/month.  Which means you must save for it.  Plan ahead for it.  The good news?  Most people know they are pregnant for at least seven months before baby comes!  Pretend you are buying diapers for those seven months (7mo. x $70 = $490) and you will have almost the exact amount needed for totally outfitting yourself... er, baby rather!  The best news?  Once baby is born, you will hardly need to spend anything on diapers!!!

Is cloth diapering for me?

Only you (and your husband) can answer that!  I hope this information has given you a realistic picture of what it would look like and helps you make an informed decision.  Can it be done?  I know a mom with four kids, Kindergarden age and down, who successfully uses cloth - with TWO kids in diapers! (And she makes it look easy.)  Just sayin'. 

Letting Go

Spring being a time of graduations, its probably something you think of then.  Not 18 years before.  But yes, I MUST face it, I must start thinking about it.  I must start preparing myself for the hardest thing a mother has to do. From birth to graduation, something she has to do little by little 365 days a year of her child's life.

Letting go.

Now is the time, the only time and for the last time, that I will hold our little one this tight and this close.  I will savor it while I can.  Birth starts the process of letting go.  We won't 'be one' anymore; he won't be in me.  He will come out and be his own individual, separate from me with his own thoughts, ideas and dreams.  Leaving the womb he starts his journey of leaving me.  Developmental milestones are steps towards independence; all working towards one day pushing him out of the nest.  School age comes and though you may think that with home school you get to hold them a little longer, that is really not true.  You must let them explore and discover and be free to make (small) mistakes and bad decisions.  They must learn that actions have consequences because you will not always be there to guide and protect, and that is how the real world works.  As they get older they will have ideas, and in a safe environment, you must let them follow their child-dreams, knowing that this sets the precedent for who you believe they can become later in life.  You must be their cheerleader, their biggest fan, though you know that each victory is a step away from you.  And then the teen years.  Some freedom and some rules, allowing them the responsibility (though painful sometimes) for many of their own decisions now.  If they do not find their wings gradually, it will be a hard fall when they shoot out of the nest.  It is paramount that they develop their own convictions and identity as an individual, preventing them from being as easily swayed by those around them later in life.  Pray that the worldview you have instilled in them since birth will give them their own solid foundation, even as the gap between them and the family widens.  And then the cap and the tassel and the tears.  The tears?  But you knew this day was coming.  Will they be tears of pride and joy or of guilt and regret?  You must prepare them well, mother.  Prepare them for leaving you.

That is why it is the present tense.  Letting go.  It is a conscious act, a choice of attitude, every single day.  From the first toddling baby step to walking down the aisle, every step is one more step to leaving you.  And the job is never done; the letting go never accomplished and filed in the past tense.  Because it is an act of the will, this releasing control, to see them as adults and respect that they are their own people.  Counsel, comfort and friendship yes, but you hold them no longer in your arms.

Dear mother, cherish each moment you have your child close for these few fleeting years!  Hold them with an open hand for God did not give them to you to keep.  Birth starts the process of letting go (sometimes God asks us to let go of them even before birth), but smile through your tears, new mama - once a mother, a mom forever - you will always hold your child in your heart!

“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”                  
― Kaleel Jamison

Parenting

The best, concise, biblical parenting advice/teaching I have ever heard!  Forget the scores of parenting books, listen to this ONE sermon.



What did you think?  I'd love to hear your comments!

Pregnancy Update

You know how when you're sitting in the doctor's consultation room and the doctor comes in and asks, "How are you doing?" both of you know it's only said as a polite greeting because the moment you saw their face you knew.  But you start talking anyway saying what a good week it was and that you're feeling great and you've been so optimistic and you feel almost healed focusing on all the positives not letting yourself think anything else is possible and surely it's been the best weeks by far and you're doing great really you are and if you can just keep talking maybe she won't have room to fit a word in so she can't tell you what you don't want to hear.  As if the facts unspoken make them somehow unreal.  A coping mechanism of denial, probably.  Eventually you've run out of things to say, as you can only repeat I'm feeling great so many times and you feebly end with, and the sunshine was lovely.

Ignorance is bliss but it is immature to purposely keep oneself uninformed so as to live a carefree life.

She tries to smile, a bit of a pained attempt, as if unsure of where to stick the needle for she knows anywhere she starts will still burst my happy bubble.  And it's just fact and nothing we did wrong and hardest of all, nothing more we can do about it.  Minimize stairs, is her gentle endeavor at letting us have at least something to "do better".  And she got out the little tape measure to help us all drive the point home and make it more real in our minds.  40mm is what is good... 8-9mm is a far cry from that.  The question in my mind; what happens when it shortens to... zero?!  But from here on out there is no need to measure anymore.  She will just check to see if I am in labor.  I must count contractions.  Be MORE aware.  No one else but me can tell if something is different, I alone am solely responsible to make that call.  Sometimes it seems the weight of this responsibility is too much.

We visited the NICU.  Our reality short of a miracle.  I realized just how good a job I have done at positive thinking and imagining my beautiful home birth at full-term (including me jumping on the trampoline on my due date if baby hasn't come yet!) that I have almost blocked out of my mind mentally preparing myself for the other possibility.  The nurse put it well when she said that one of the things NICU parents deal with is grieving the perfect birth story they were picturing.  I need to come back to my realist self at least enough to be ready so it won't be such a shock if it does happen.  (I still believe in the power of positive thinking and will continue, no worries, I just must also be prepared.)  And I can't help thinking What if God's will isn't my will?  Surely a pregnancy with complications and many sacrifices, early birth, and NICU stay wouldn't be His plan for us... or might it?  We saw a baby the exact (gestational) age as ours - except he was out and ours is in.  Strange to think of it that way, and amazing and beautiful.  I didn't think of it till later, but, if we have our baby in the next couple of months... they'll be buddies in the NICU! :)

I had a pity party for one day, bemoaning the things I was hoping to go to this weekend - the Tornado Spotter class, and the annual city wide garage sales shopping for baby stuff with a friend that we had been planning for so long, and church.  I feel like I am in an invisible prison, built of my own self-restraint, but somehow inescapable nonetheless.  It was an emotional day and not a good day to talk to me about moving a fridge and a little burner upstairs so I could effectively live my life on all of one story.  I need space.  I need air so I don't suffocate.  Spring is coming and I want to go outside.  Even though it is of my own choosing, for baby's good, it is still hard.  And then I kicked myself and got over my selfishness and started doing things for others.

And now I am back to doing well (sanity-wise)!  My dear dear friend went garage sailing FOR me and picked out a whole long list of baby clothes that I absolutely cannot wait to see, and a baby bouncer that I am equally excited about!!!!  And there is a baby shower for me tomorrow and about a gazillion people were invited and I am just so excited because I love socializing!!!  And then I feel little buddy-boy's kicks and know he's ok, and I'm ok, and we're telling him to stay in there (at least until after the baby shower - I MUST make it to my own baby shower!!! ;)) and 26 weeks is good and 28 is even better.  And I am blessed.

Butterflies and Boxers (Pregnancy part 3)

"It will feel like... butterflies!" they said.  They must have been having girls.  Everything is flowers, butterflies and princesses with girls.

I, have a martial arts BOXER inside!  Pounding on all sides!  I think he wants to come out and meet us, but he is not allowed just yet! ;)  When he sits too low, it's like he's playing the bass drum, BOOM, BOOM!  Wouldn't it be fun to have a little Nemo fish - with a little fluttery "lucky" fin.  But... it's completely not accurate.  [Scratch cute description.]

Tonight he's at it again.  Very active, he is.  It feels like a frog.  I can actually SEE the kicks now!  Our little martial arts-boxer-bass drummer-frog.  Yup, description works.  A little fighter for sure! :)

Does God give us more than we can handle?

It was one of those articles going somewhat viral around the Christian circles on Facebook.  That was just the first time I was confronted with the question.  Then in the past couple weeks since then I have been bombarded with it:

Does God give you more than you can handle?

On those hardest of days, I agree with a friend (ok, so I am nowhere near where she is at in terms of challenges and hardship - amazing what perspective can do for you! - but still),  

"oh He definitely gives me more than i can handle on a regular basis. He overwhelms me daily. i cry all the time. i used to scream up to Him to help me, to provide some relief, to comfort one baby for me while i helped another... He never did. He has brought me to a place where i am alone and isolated, where i usually have only me to rely on. i am constantly exhausted - i can only ever go to bed after midnight, i have a baby who stays up and then wakes often in the night, often 10 times. so i am always tired. He gave me a wonderful husband through all this, but it's still too hard most of the time. ... i have been suicidal, i have been drunk with joy, i have been terrified, i have been hopeless and i have been blessed enormously. sometimes my very blessedness makes me feel guilty for feeling so overwhelmed." 

...and I emphatically say, YES!!!!!!  Too much, it's too much Lord!

Interesting, that most people going through a difficult situation tend to feel that it is indeed too much for them to bear.  On good days though, farther from heartache and trouble (temporarily), we think we can handle it.  Maybe we even get a little cocky and think that we really can do it in our own strength.  So ask someone who's life is going along well and the answer is more likely to be, "No, I don't think God gives us more than we can handle."  *thinking isn't that somewhere in the Bible?*

Now that I have said how I feel, let me back up this argument with some actual Biblical evidence.  This particular statement, that “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” isn’t even in the Bible.  There is a statement that sounds like it.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humankind.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”  But notice that verse is about temptation.  That’s it.  You won’t be tempted beyond what you can stand up against.  This text is not saying that you will not experience more than you can bear.  That idea just isn’t Biblical.  If anything the exact opposite is true.  Look at this text.
"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers and sisters, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." (2 Cor 1:8,9, emphasis mine).
Later, Paul will write it is when he is weak that the strength of Christ is seen.  In other words, when we can’t do it any longer.  When we are fed up.  When it has become too much.  When we have nothing left.  When we are empty.  When it is beyond our capability to deal with it.  Then, in that moment, the strength of the God of resurrection will be seen.  Until we get to that point, we rely on ourselves thinking we can handle it and take care of the problem.

You can read the full article here.  [Note:  I found this article to be insightful and Biblically accurate but I have not done enough reading to necessarily endorse other content on his blog.]

I think of Job, Joseph, the martyrs of the early church, Mary, a lonely unwed mother, even David who walked through the valley of the shadow of death.  That sounds pretty bad to me. 


Another one of my friends made an interesting point:  
"As I'm thinking about Job, and how it seemed to be more than he could handle, I am also thinking that what happened was beyond Job's control. So I think when something happens outside of our control, that seems like too much for us to handle. It could be God's way of allowing us to trust in him more and rely on him, as well as it is maybe not God giving us more, but "allowing" more to happen."

She also had what I think is a very good and culturally applicable thought and I have to say I agree.
"Sometimes, we become addicted to busyness, and have a hard time saying no. So I think sometimes we inflict upon ourselves too much for us to handle. Whether it be because we want more money so we want a second job, whether it be we want people to like us, whether it be we want to feel loved so we have to go to everything our friends invite us to, or whether it be for other reasons, we sometimes choose these things we don't have to, and are putting ourselves into a situation where it is more than we can handle. So sometimes, even if we think something is more than we can handle, we shouldn't always blame God for letting it happen, we should also look to see if we are partially responsible."  I couldn't have said it better.


"But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ... for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor.12:9-10) 

A comforting thought from another friend, "I have always been so glad that God doesn't measure out His grace at the beginning of the day, or week, or month and then say, "Too bad, you've run out, you'll have to wait now for a new supply." His goodness is moment-by-moment and, in my life so MANY times, minute-to-minute. You are grace-full all the time because you are full of HIM."

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)

Why does God give us, or allow us to experience, more than we can handle?  So that we come to Him. So that we need Him.  Rely on Him.  So that we live our lives in His strength.  We can do so much more.  We can be who He really wants us to be through the refining process of having more than we can bear.  We can learn humility and compassion.  And we can grow.

Nope, hard times are not fun.  We are usually not running around rejoicing while being crushed by a huge burden.  Thankfulness is not our instinctive reaction.  But the difficult season you're going through may be God's invitation for you to come to Him, receive Him, and experience His Peace that passes all understanding.

The mom that I quoted from the beginning of this post sums it up beautifully:

"i believe that God walks with us and holds us in the raging waters - He doesn't promise to help us avoid them altogether. how would we ever learn and grow and get strong if He only gave us what we can handle? how would we see our desperate need for Him?"

Pregnancy Update

I'm not gonna lie; I was pretty nervous.  The last time changed our plans so much I was afraid for what to expect.  I just hoped someone else was hoping for me because I didn't have the strength to hope for good news myself.

The short cervix condition is getting worse and I am on "house a-rest" (I have had to stop working), keeping my activity level extremely low and laying down a lot.  Gotta love, just LOVE, these trips to Sioux Falls for doctor appointments... they have a way of changing my LIFE...! :P  *total sarcasm*

For other moms out there who are going through this or other high-risk pregnancies, 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

It might not be the birth plan you envisioned, you know... full-term, home, calm, water birth.

Right now it might look like... sirens, helicopter, Emergency Room, long stay in the NICU.

But you will make it... Baby will make it.  

And you'll be stronger for it.

Short term goals, my midwife says.  One more day.  Think, one more day.  

Some days it feels like a battle.  The times when you're laying half upside-down to keep baby in.  Eating when you're not hungry.  Doing things you had never thought you'd do (oh the # of pills I take!).  Do you know how helpless you feel, all alone at home having done all you can, laying in the bath trying to will your contractions to stop?

But we're not in this fight alone!  Ben takes such amazing care of me!!!  The deaconesses and families from our church are making meals for us - HUGE blessing!  And there's a whole army of prayer warriors going forward with us through this time.  Thank you to each and every one of you who is involved in some way!

God is with me, holding baby in His strong Hands.

I really love listening to uplifting worship music - helps me forget my fears and focus on Jesus. :)

Just listen to the lyrics:

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant in the trial and the change

This one thing remains...

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul 


And I never, ever, 
have to be afraid...

This one thing, remains...


Well, everybody's got a story to tell

I want to believe there's beauty here

'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on

I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan

And I, I am so afraid

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

...

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

Perfect for spring! :)

This website has some easy to understand information on my specific condition and is a great encouragement for anyone going through a similar pregnancy:

http://www.keepemcookin.com/prevention.aspx

If you're looking at the charts on the website, my numbers are:

18 weeks 2.4cm

22 weeks (now) 1.8cm

If it keeps progressing at the current rate it will be 1.2cm at 24 weeks

Some specific things you can pray for:

• Baby would STAY IN until full term!!!  
• Baby would ride high, gain weight and his lungs would develop sooner than normal (better weight and breathing would help him survive if born early)
• I would not have contractions
• Wisdom and peace of mind as we are having to make hard decisions
• Things would look improved at our next appointment in 2 weeks and it could be a testament to God's healing hand!

Our goals:

At 24 weeks about 25-30% of babies survive with LOTS of help, 28 weeks almost all survive in NICU most without long-term complications, about 36 weeks baby can be strong enough to breath/eat on his own without all the machine help, 37-40 weeks is considered full term!  

Thank you for praying!

On Pets and Pregnancy (Pregnancy part 2)

Sometimes I feel distant from my own body - like I'm taking care of a pet.  Is it really me that is walking funny, feeling funny, not-skinny-any-more-but-somehow-still-small, and doesn't have much energy?  And my pile of vitamins!  I have to take so many I call them my "granny pills".  I have always hated vitamins.  This take-it-easy, eat healthy, less crazy daredevil is hardly like Naomi.  It's like another person living in my body.  Bingo!  Oh yeah, that's right, that's what it is!

And now this pet.  

See, this pet is quite demanding.  It needs food.  LOTS of food, in fact, but can't eat too much all at once unless we want to feel like after Thanksgiving dinner.  And if I let it get hungry, it feels sick and threatens to throw up the next thing I feed it (does that not make sense, or what??!).  And it likes three types of food, and it knows which it wants at what time.  Our new diet has 3 food groups - carbs, protein, vegetables/fruit.  It must be like a young housepet - and we must be in the potty training phase - because we have got to pee all the time!  And I must give it lots of water.  (Probably not helping with the # of trips to the bathroom, but it must have it's water!)  And then the pampering.  I almost feel bad wasting hot water on baths, but Ben says if it relaxes the poor pet, it's ok.  Then it needs vitamin E oil and lotion rubbed on it's tummy to prevent ugly stretch marks from appearing.  Whew!  It is vain!  Not only that, it then wants monthly professional pictures to have a record of how it has grown.  And since it is growing, it insists on needing new clothes that are bigger, so we make trips to the store trying to find something that will work.  It needs more sleep than me at night and then still has the audacity to act like it wants a nap!  The Dr. says I must listen to it and try to figure out what it wants and then give it to it.  Darn thing, it's going to be spoiled!  What about me???  It takes a lot of my energy taking care of this pet!  And I must give up things that I like - climbing trees, amusement park rides, heavy work, downhill skiing, and all other things wild and crazy that are so much fun - in order to take care of my pet!  I must be calm for it and cater to it, so it... can help me take care of baby! :)