Travel Postponed

We have been waiting for this day for longer than we waited for our wedding day.  Like, two years - since we got married.  And a whole year before that while we were dating... three years really, that we have been hoping, dreaming, planning, saving $$ for and looking forward to this day.  Our 7-week trip was all planned out, starting off with a visit to the ship Logos Hope which is currently sailing in Asia, but more importantly to see Hong Kong where I grew up and visit my family where they live now, in mainland China.  "The trip of a decade!" we tease, since it's really not an affordable vacation to do often!  I have been SO EXCITED to take Ben back to my childhood roots and get to experience the culture of my previous home(s) together!!!

Then it crashed.  Not our plane.  Because... we weren't actually on one yet.  The dream.  Our China trip dream that was so close to happening we could almost smell the jet fuel and feel the humid tropical air.  But instead of leaving the Sanford Women's Clinic with the letter I requested - you know, the one that reassures airlines and the like that I am 18 weeks along, pregnancy is going well and I am perfectly fit to travel - I carry home a letter with the dreaded words, "She has a complication of pregnancy that was discovered today that makes it inadvisable to travel."

Inadvisable to travel.

Wow!  The whole picture can change so fast!  This isn't even the roller-coaster ride we've been on already that I was referring to at the end of my last post.  The 'complication' is that I am at risk for preterm labor due to a short cervix.  Hopefully this is just how my body is and I will go full term and then in the future it should not be a cause for concern.  However, since it is my first pregnancy (the very first was a miscarriage, so second actually) it is an unknown with no previous good pregnancies to fall back on, and all the signs point to at risk for preterm labor.  One of the things that has been proven to cause significantly more contractions (a bad thing if you have a short cervix) is travel, especially prolonged/overseas travel, thus heightening the risk that my body would go into labor way too early.  Aside from this is the fact that China (or the middle of the ocean on Logos Hope) does not have as good of medical care available as here - for me more so, were something to happen, because it would be too early for the baby to survive either place.

Thirteen hours before our plane left, and we had to make one of the hardest decisions ever so far.  Neither Ben nor I felt comfortable putting our little boy at unnecessary risk for our selfish reasons.  So we made the difficult choice to call off our trip at this time and are doing all in our power to help this pregnancy go full term.  Like our CNM said, "It won't be the last time your children will cause a change in your plans!"  We are trusting God that He will take care of our little one and that our trip will happen in His time!  

We don't know what God is doing or trying to teach us.  I don't know why He gives and takes away and gives again... only to take away again.  This was not how I wanted pregnancy to be.  I am enjoying this second trimester high energy and I was hoping to be highly active throughout and the kind of mom who's 8.5 months pregnant and out hoeing the garden and doing hard work without it phasing her one bit!  Why did the first one have to be a miscarriage?  Why is the second one this way?  Never did I imagine I would be the mother begging God that baby stays in the womb just one more day... and one more.  Why oh why can't I have a normal pregnancy??!

Having to postpone our trip is a LOT of disappointment for us.  We were SO looking forward to this trip and seeing my family and... everything!  Obviously we didn't make the decision lightly.  If something were to happen, I don't know if I could live with myself, without blaming myself or thinking maybe it's our fault because we heightened our risk by traveling.  Since there ARE things we can do to lessen the risk we are taking the recommendations of my very common sense midwife and certified nurse midwife.  In addition to not traveling, I am not supposed to lift much and not do (very much) exercise and lower my activity level and some other things.  Being a very active person this is pretty hard for me. :/  If seven weeks from now baby has not come (hopefully!) then I'm sure we'll play the second guessing yourself game and wonder if we would have been alright even if traveling.  But then again that might have been too much and may have caused a different outcome.  So we may never know.

One thing we do know; as devastated as we are, God has given us an indescribable peace about staying!  (After knowing what we know, we did not have a peace about going, even though that is what I wanted.)  Surprisingly we even had a good day today!

We are taking a few days away to process things and take these big changes one day at a time.  All we can do is trust God and hold our dreams in an open hand.

THE GOOD NEWS is that our sweet little baby is a BOY and he's growing strong and healthy and perfectly on track.  He's 7oz. now and moving around A LOT even though I haven't felt it yet! :)  18 weeks along today!  Praise God that we had an appointment BEFORE leaving (this almost didn't happen).

Here are some milestones you can pray with us for our little boy to meet (hopefully all still safely in the womb!):

According to what my CNM said...

24 weeks - about the earliest babies can survive with the highest technology in the States

28 weeks - 100% of premie babies survive, with less than 10% having long-term issues 

36 weeks - baby can survive without NICU (some at 34 weeks)

40 weeks - full term

Praise the Lord that Delta Airlines refunded our biggest flight tickets 100%, and Ben is working hard communicating with the others.  We would appreciate your prayers that we would be able to get money back from the other two flights as well!  Our China visas last a year, so it's possible we could go after our little guy is born!

Proverbs 16:9  The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.


Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

The Trip

Long story made short (trust me, this is going somewhere!  Actually, literally!  WE are GOING somewhere!!!  But I must not get ahead of myself...)

I spent 17 years of my childhood (and teen-hood) overseas.
In Hong Kong and mainland China to be exact.
My family is still there.
Different culture/currency/language/holidays/you-name-it.
All things mentioned above formed who I am today.

That's it in a nutshell.  Though Ben has heard some stories, and yes, he's met my family, he hasn't experienced Asia; hasn't SEEN where I grew up.  Something must be done to remedy this!

SO WE ARE TAKING A TRIP!  Now this is not just a little "oh, let's take a quick little trip!" trip.  Oh, no!  We have been saving $$ for it for almost two years (it didn't take that long, though trip savings was in addition to our regular save-for-a-house and retirement savings).  A year ago we put some dates on the calendar for this spring so we would have some end goal/projected dates of travel.  Those dates are coming up and... we are actually going!  I say that with some surprise because you see, it's been a roller coaster of a ride not knowing exactly when we would be going!

When my grandparents went in the late fall of 2012, we looked up quick and briefly threw around the crazy idea of going with, but it was too short-notice and too busy a time for us - it was just not feasible. So we were thinking this winter/spring.  But then Sam (Ben's boss, also happens to be his dad :)) had rotator cuff surgery on his right shoulder.  With one guy out of four (the most well-trained and the leader at that) out of commission, we didn't feel right about leaving as long as Ben was needed to be his right-hand man.  So we would maybe postpone our trip to the fall?  We weren't really sure.  However, still enduring pretty severe daily (and nightly) pain, Sam is pushing through and bounced back faster than we thought in a lot of ways.  He's driving, taking phone calls, handling the business and doing service calls like normal, except for not lifting things (and all the above things with one hand).  It will make it tougher for the business, no doubt, but mom and dad are the type to seize remarkable opportunities and encourage their kids to do the same.  So they are encouraging us to go! :)

Of course my parents are overjoyed and we are super excited to see them!!!!

We will be leaving in March and coming home in April!  More stories of our already adventurous roller-coaster-emotions of a trip coming soon!!!