Criteria for Credibility

cred-i-bil-i-ty  |ˌkredəˈbilitē|

noun

the quality of being trusted and believed in

the quality of being convincing or believable

the quality or power of inspiring belief

The Question

How much is enough to be able to speak into someone’s life?  Basically, what is required for me to be 'credible' in the information I give (spoken or written)?  I am using 'speak into someone's life' to mean give advice to help them, counsel/mentor, encourage or challenge a position they hold, give a different perspective to make them think about something, answer a question, debate a topic and even just in the general conversations of my everyday life. 

Levels of Influence

Talking to a friend is different from 

being a major public figure as a speaker;

personal notes/email is different than a personal blog,

which is different than a popular blog with thousands of readers,

which is different from someone who writes for a national newspaper or a New York Times bestselling author. 

I realize there are different levels of this.  I am referring to starting out with a small circle of influence (family members, friends over the years, up to several hundred FB friends or blog readers), but I think the question is still true for even famous people.  Also, what one has to say may not be applicable or the right timing to everyone so you don’t know whom it may reach (speak to).

What makes me (or anyone) credible?

Because you have a PASSION about something?

Does being POPULAR or having many FANS & FOLLOWERS give credibility?

Are IDEAS, OPINIONS, and CONVICTIONS enough?

AGE?

How about TRAINING/EDUCATION/KNOWLEDGE on the subject?

Or do you need to have PERSONAL EXPERIENCE?

Should you be an EXPERT on the topic?

Let's break these down a little:

1.     PASSION

Someone who cares about their topic makes it much more interesting than someone who has no interest in what they’re trying to present and often this makes them come across as more credible.  How much passion is enough?

2.     POPULARITY/ FANS & FOLLOWERS  

Just because you’re Justin Beiber, Rob Bell or Oprah doesn’t mean that they really have authority to give information on the topic even though many will blindly follow… and if they give their opinion, how do we know they are not just doing it for the $$?   Sadly, movie stars and others don’t even need to have passion or personal conviction/opinion for whatever it is; just being paid enough to do the [advertisement] is enough to lead the world towards... something.  It would be cool to have that much influence (not sure it's the best way though).  How popular do I need to be?

3.     IDEAS, OPINIONS, and CONVICTIONS

These are formed from our worldview and may be on every aspect of life.  This is what most people’s talk of politics consists of (unless they have had personal experience in [position] or have had much education on the topic.  How do we judge who's ideas count or who does not have the right to their own opinion?  Isn’t everything we say/write one of these three – an idea, our opinion, or a conviction we hold?  If this is not enough, who are we to open our mouths?  

4.     AGE

A command from the Bible is “Older [women] teach the younger [women]”… does that mean you have to be “old” or just oldER than the other person?  What about the verse “do not let anyone look down on you because you are young…”?  As long as you can set an example does age not matter?  If this is the criteria, then we are saying it is better to just sit around and wait for time to pass so you get old rather than doing your best to work hard, gather information, learn, and be a smart young person who can share their knowledge with others.  (Oh wait, I can only speak into someone's life if I'm old so scratch that last part.)  How long do I have to wait?

5.     TRAINING/EDUCATION/KNOWLEDGE

How much?  A one-day class?  A four-year degree?  A doctorate, a PhD?  I can KNOW the dangers of smoking and caution others against it without having tried it – no personal experience – myself; also I can have a conviction about it in my personal life that will influence my opinions and what I tell people.   With google we now all think we can have more knowledge, while often the majority of information out there is just other people’s opinions… people just like us who may or may not be more educated than us.  Well, I never went to college, yet anyway, so am I screwed?  Again I ask, how much knowledge is enough?

6.     PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Can you have one child and give advice on parenting?  One one-night stand to tell teens not to do it or do you need to have had multiple sexual partners?  Would you have had to have home schooled – as in taught - all 12 grades before you could talk on it, or is having been home schooled enough to give ideas and advice?  Yes, we learn from others’ mistakes, but could we also learn from someone who has been strong/made wise choices the entire time?  If they haven't tried both sides, then is their experience really good enough?  How much experience is enough?

7.     EXPERT

What constitutes an “expert”?  There’s always more one could learn or experience.  How do I know when I have become an expert?

We all have the tendency to judge if someone has the credibility to be speaking/writing on a topic. 

What if their wisdom is not from them, and God has given them His words to say? (like Jer. 1:6-9)  Can it be helpful to some people?  Can God use it?  Even if they are young and seemingly uneducated?

An ‘easy answer’ is “if God tells you to say/do that… then all these things (above) do not matter it just matters that you’re doing what God has called you to” (lays it on their heart, burdened for it, whatever term you want to use).  How do we know if it is really God or just our wants and desires?  What if people don’t believe us? If there are moral absolutes and we know them, then we can repeat what [God] says with authority, though the danger is if someone is interpreting it wrong or twisting what is said.  What if the influential people leading are misled (false prophets, Rob Bell, etc.)?  What if they/I are deceived themselves/myself in how they/I interpret things or if they/I have seared their/my conscience and think they/I are/am still doing right?  

Let's say I am actually wrong, but I think I am right.  Ok, so hopefully others will point it out and correct me, but what if 50% agree and 50% disagree?  What if 90% agree, so it seems that majority would be right, but actually the smaller group, the narrow way is what is really true and right and good?  

How about if I am right but others don't see it.  Could people you really respect have made a mistake or have been wrong (after all, no one is perfect)?  If I am unsure if I am right or wrong and looking for guidance, if I take their advice then I will think I am wrong when really I was right...  Is anyone else confused yet?

Obviously we have to take everything we hear, see and read and compare it… to a standard.  Some sort of standard that probably cannot be exactly identical to any other person's because it exists in our mind.  Then it boils down to whose advice or counsel we will take, from a Christian perspective, as most Biblical, and usually the people we think of are the ones that have the most credibility or authority on the topic in our minds.  Whatever that means to us; which above criteria we prioritize and value.  Which leads us back in a circle and brings me to my hypothesis.  (Maybe this is not new, but I have not read or heard anything on the topic so this is my original idea.)

Hypothesis on Credibility

Credibility is subjective

Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  My credibility actually has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with if YOU think I have authority to speak/write on topic xyz.

Because credibility is only perceived.  Credibility is defined by the receiver of the information.  It is us making a judgement on if the information-giver meets our criteria for what we decide is enough authority for them to be mentoring/leading/teaching/rebuking us.  (Sometimes, it is based upon whether we like them or agree with them.)  There it is again.  That word enough.

You tell me how much is enough to be able to speak into someone's life.  I've already tried and maybe you didn't even make it to reading this far because you already deemed me as not credible enough.  You are the receiver, so you are the judge.  If you made it this far, I still hope you take everything I say understanding it's my opinion and ideas which are formed from my values and beliefs.  I do my best to make sure there are many good reasons to trust what I say/write aside from you liking me - like if it is Biblical, if it is backed by medical or scientific research, or if a lot of other people you trust as credible agree and are saying similar things - and I hope you make an informed decision (probably using some of the criteria above).  If it's an idea, hey why not try it and decide whether it works for you or not.  If it's just a piece of writing, enjoy it for what it is and laugh.  By all means question everything you say, hear or read.  But try to do so with an open mind, willing to let go of some preconceived, possibly even long-held, ideas.  Like not taking young people seriously because surely they have nothing knowledgable to say because they don't have enough life experience/education/years lived/etc.  Some of them might surprise you!  Life is a lot more pleasant when you focus on the beauty.  Those who don't are known as cynics.      

Letting Go

Spring being a time of graduations, its probably something you think of then.  Not 18 years before.  But yes, I MUST face it, I must start thinking about it.  I must start preparing myself for the hardest thing a mother has to do. From birth to graduation, something she has to do little by little 365 days a year of her child's life.

Letting go.

Now is the time, the only time and for the last time, that I will hold our little one this tight and this close.  I will savor it while I can.  Birth starts the process of letting go.  We won't 'be one' anymore; he won't be in me.  He will come out and be his own individual, separate from me with his own thoughts, ideas and dreams.  Leaving the womb he starts his journey of leaving me.  Developmental milestones are steps towards independence; all working towards one day pushing him out of the nest.  School age comes and though you may think that with home school you get to hold them a little longer, that is really not true.  You must let them explore and discover and be free to make (small) mistakes and bad decisions.  They must learn that actions have consequences because you will not always be there to guide and protect, and that is how the real world works.  As they get older they will have ideas, and in a safe environment, you must let them follow their child-dreams, knowing that this sets the precedent for who you believe they can become later in life.  You must be their cheerleader, their biggest fan, though you know that each victory is a step away from you.  And then the teen years.  Some freedom and some rules, allowing them the responsibility (though painful sometimes) for many of their own decisions now.  If they do not find their wings gradually, it will be a hard fall when they shoot out of the nest.  It is paramount that they develop their own convictions and identity as an individual, preventing them from being as easily swayed by those around them later in life.  Pray that the worldview you have instilled in them since birth will give them their own solid foundation, even as the gap between them and the family widens.  And then the cap and the tassel and the tears.  The tears?  But you knew this day was coming.  Will they be tears of pride and joy or of guilt and regret?  You must prepare them well, mother.  Prepare them for leaving you.

That is why it is the present tense.  Letting go.  It is a conscious act, a choice of attitude, every single day.  From the first toddling baby step to walking down the aisle, every step is one more step to leaving you.  And the job is never done; the letting go never accomplished and filed in the past tense.  Because it is an act of the will, this releasing control, to see them as adults and respect that they are their own people.  Counsel, comfort and friendship yes, but you hold them no longer in your arms.

Dear mother, cherish each moment you have your child close for these few fleeting years!  Hold them with an open hand for God did not give them to you to keep.  Birth starts the process of letting go (sometimes God asks us to let go of them even before birth), but smile through your tears, new mama - once a mother, a mom forever - you will always hold your child in your heart!

“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”                  
― Kaleel Jamison

Does God give us more than we can handle?

It was one of those articles going somewhat viral around the Christian circles on Facebook.  That was just the first time I was confronted with the question.  Then in the past couple weeks since then I have been bombarded with it:

Does God give you more than you can handle?

On those hardest of days, I agree with a friend (ok, so I am nowhere near where she is at in terms of challenges and hardship - amazing what perspective can do for you! - but still),  

"oh He definitely gives me more than i can handle on a regular basis. He overwhelms me daily. i cry all the time. i used to scream up to Him to help me, to provide some relief, to comfort one baby for me while i helped another... He never did. He has brought me to a place where i am alone and isolated, where i usually have only me to rely on. i am constantly exhausted - i can only ever go to bed after midnight, i have a baby who stays up and then wakes often in the night, often 10 times. so i am always tired. He gave me a wonderful husband through all this, but it's still too hard most of the time. ... i have been suicidal, i have been drunk with joy, i have been terrified, i have been hopeless and i have been blessed enormously. sometimes my very blessedness makes me feel guilty for feeling so overwhelmed." 

...and I emphatically say, YES!!!!!!  Too much, it's too much Lord!

Interesting, that most people going through a difficult situation tend to feel that it is indeed too much for them to bear.  On good days though, farther from heartache and trouble (temporarily), we think we can handle it.  Maybe we even get a little cocky and think that we really can do it in our own strength.  So ask someone who's life is going along well and the answer is more likely to be, "No, I don't think God gives us more than we can handle."  *thinking isn't that somewhere in the Bible?*

Now that I have said how I feel, let me back up this argument with some actual Biblical evidence.  This particular statement, that “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” isn’t even in the Bible.  There is a statement that sounds like it.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humankind.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”  But notice that verse is about temptation.  That’s it.  You won’t be tempted beyond what you can stand up against.  This text is not saying that you will not experience more than you can bear.  That idea just isn’t Biblical.  If anything the exact opposite is true.  Look at this text.
"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers and sisters, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." (2 Cor 1:8,9, emphasis mine).
Later, Paul will write it is when he is weak that the strength of Christ is seen.  In other words, when we can’t do it any longer.  When we are fed up.  When it has become too much.  When we have nothing left.  When we are empty.  When it is beyond our capability to deal with it.  Then, in that moment, the strength of the God of resurrection will be seen.  Until we get to that point, we rely on ourselves thinking we can handle it and take care of the problem.

You can read the full article here.  [Note:  I found this article to be insightful and Biblically accurate but I have not done enough reading to necessarily endorse other content on his blog.]

I think of Job, Joseph, the martyrs of the early church, Mary, a lonely unwed mother, even David who walked through the valley of the shadow of death.  That sounds pretty bad to me. 


Another one of my friends made an interesting point:  
"As I'm thinking about Job, and how it seemed to be more than he could handle, I am also thinking that what happened was beyond Job's control. So I think when something happens outside of our control, that seems like too much for us to handle. It could be God's way of allowing us to trust in him more and rely on him, as well as it is maybe not God giving us more, but "allowing" more to happen."

She also had what I think is a very good and culturally applicable thought and I have to say I agree.
"Sometimes, we become addicted to busyness, and have a hard time saying no. So I think sometimes we inflict upon ourselves too much for us to handle. Whether it be because we want more money so we want a second job, whether it be we want people to like us, whether it be we want to feel loved so we have to go to everything our friends invite us to, or whether it be for other reasons, we sometimes choose these things we don't have to, and are putting ourselves into a situation where it is more than we can handle. So sometimes, even if we think something is more than we can handle, we shouldn't always blame God for letting it happen, we should also look to see if we are partially responsible."  I couldn't have said it better.


"But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ... for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor.12:9-10) 

A comforting thought from another friend, "I have always been so glad that God doesn't measure out His grace at the beginning of the day, or week, or month and then say, "Too bad, you've run out, you'll have to wait now for a new supply." His goodness is moment-by-moment and, in my life so MANY times, minute-to-minute. You are grace-full all the time because you are full of HIM."

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)

Why does God give us, or allow us to experience, more than we can handle?  So that we come to Him. So that we need Him.  Rely on Him.  So that we live our lives in His strength.  We can do so much more.  We can be who He really wants us to be through the refining process of having more than we can bear.  We can learn humility and compassion.  And we can grow.

Nope, hard times are not fun.  We are usually not running around rejoicing while being crushed by a huge burden.  Thankfulness is not our instinctive reaction.  But the difficult season you're going through may be God's invitation for you to come to Him, receive Him, and experience His Peace that passes all understanding.

The mom that I quoted from the beginning of this post sums it up beautifully:

"i believe that God walks with us and holds us in the raging waters - He doesn't promise to help us avoid them altogether. how would we ever learn and grow and get strong if He only gave us what we can handle? how would we see our desperate need for Him?"

My One Word for 2013

Those of you who know me know I love words!  I like writing, I take notes, I doodle words!  I gravitate towards wall plaques and interior decorating that uses words.  Ok, I think you get the idea!

I also have big aspirations and make optimistic New Year resolutions.  Falling right in with statistics, I make too many and am unrealistic in what I think I can accomplish and... they don't last very long.  *sigh*  Who doesn't do that though?  Even my daily to-do lists and goals are set so high they are almost impossible to complete in 24 hours, let alone the few hours after work.

So when Ben and I listened to a podcast interviewing two authors who together wrote the book, One Word that will Change Your Life, I was instantly intrigued.  The magical word - if I could just buy the book so I knew what it was - there would be hope for such a failure at New Year's resolutions as me!  (Isn't that how they make you think though?)  Actually, it's not quite how I thought; not a one-word-fixes-all situation.  Because *spoiler warning inserted here* the 'one word' is different for all of us.

You can listen to 'Casting the Vision with Dan Briton and Jimmy Page' by following that link (you will have to look for the one titled 'Casting the Vision...' as I couldn't link directly to it only).

This is the idea of a one-word year:

It's not setting to do goals, but rather to be goals; it's not what you want to accomplish, it's who you want to become in one year.  Discovering that word that's meant for you that cuts through all the clutter and chaos and creates simplicity, power and focus. 

It's not simply picking a word. ... As you... listen to God... it's a process of surrender, receiving the word God has for you that year and then living it out. 

We're looking for a God-word, not a good word. 

1. Look in - Prepare your heart (unplug, de-clutter, introspective time thinking about what God may have for you to learn)
2. Look up - Discover your word (it may not be the word you want; it is the word God wants for you!)
3. Look out - Live your word (share your word, tell others, and work on becoming who God wants you to be)

A couple other good quotes from the podcast:

Don't try to do everything.  In the pursuit of trying to do everything, you don't do anything as well as you would like.   

Leadership is about character, not as much about what you accomplish.

An interesting thing to note is that often busyness stands in the way of hearing from God (because we don't take the time to think and listen) and living out who He actually wants us to be because we're just so busy... doing.  Our culture sees busyness as a badge of honor, even to the point of (subconsciously?) bragging about our schedules when we meet our friends in the grocery store, trying to outdo each other with the number of things we are busy with.  "...but I am just so BUSY!"  One word cuts down on some of the busyness (trying to keep up with New Year resolutions, anyone?), is easy to remember and helps narrow our focus down to one theme for the year, and as God works in us to refine our character, it will affect every area of our life.

Success.  Inspire.  Dreams.  Graceful.  Purpose.  Balance. Opportunity. 

These are all words I would have wanted.  As we listened through the podcast, of course my mind started racing, trying to pick a word for my year.  Until they got to the part about how God chooses it for you.  My initial reaction was, How do I figure that out?!  Because I'd like to know NOW!  Then it all started to come together.

I already have my word!  Not a word of my choosing, but I know with certainty that it is God's word for me for this year.  In fact, I already wrote about it at the beginning of the year, here, when it was on my mind a ton.  Funny, how I'd almost forgotten about it until recent, when that theme presented itself again.

My word is 

Peace.

Right now [with the circumstances of a post-poned trip] God is allowing me to experience indescribable peace.  I have a very hard time accepting a change in plans.  I have expectations.  I need to be notified way in advance so I have time to 'mentally prepare myself' as I call it.  And did I mention, I hate having to be flexible.  If all isn't quite on track, I stress.

I had plans.  I had expectations.  I was not notified in time to prepare myself for the sudden change.  

I could be angry.  I could be bitter.  Certainly I am disappointed.  I could hold these feelings of resentment towards God, or even harbor bitterness towards our baby - it's their fault I feel this way, right?  In circumstances out of my control, my attitude is always my choice!  The Bible warns us to watch out for a root of bitterness and commands us to put these feelings of anger and bitterness away because they do not produce the righteousness of God.  Interesting that anger, bitterness and resentment stem from unmet expectations.  Bitterness only hurts those holding it in their hearts.  It will eat away your joy and harden your heart.  With God's help, and seeing others' examples, I am learning to choose cheerfulness.

I choose life.  I choose joy.  I choose to see my circumstances as a gift, because through it God is letting me experience peace like I never have before.  Kind of cool, how this podcast and idea of one word is helping make sense of what I saw before as a negative situation.    

What word is God trying to give to you?  I choose to accept my word for 2013.  Will you accept yours?

[You can order the book here.]

Wasted strawberries, Wasted life?

Why don't I ever learn??!  Strawberries in the fridge do NOT last for a week.  It does not matter if you are waiting for the perfect pancake breakfast to have them with; they do not wait, they mold.  Yes, white fuzzy mold, and sour - horribly sour (rotten)!  But they are a whole $1.98 too special to eat right away!  Well... saving them for a special occasion doesn't make them any sweeter!  *sigh*  Reminds me of my childhood when I would save my Christmas stocking candy canes for entirely too long.  Like, 364 days - until next December long.  Then I would realize that fresh ones really taste better!  Hmmm... what is it with me and saving red food-stuffs??? ;)

God talks about it in the Bible too, with the parable of the talents.  Burying a hole and keeping it was not a good thing to do with it.  It needed to be used, invested and bringing in a greater return!  Or like the rich man who had so much stuff he needed to build bigger barns - just to store more stuff!  He was stingy and wasn't giving any of it away or using it for good purposes himself.  God fixed that.  The rich man died and all his belongings were given to be enjoyed by the poor!
I'm not really sure what lesson I'm supposed to learn from this, because I know that for some things it is good to save (like money for emergency fund, car, college, house, etc.).  Taken to some extent and with a grain of salt, of course, what God has given us here on this earth we need to ENJOY and invest it for the Kingdom because it won't last forever!

I listened to this great sermon today... What talents have I been gifted with that are sitting around and not being used?  I missed having really yummy strawberries!  What's worse yet is that I feel so bad for wasting almost $2 on food gone bad... How can I live to make sure I don't waste my LIFE.  Jesus says that he who tries to save his life will lose it (goes for strawberries and candy canes too) but those who give up their lives and follow Him will not be ashamed of how they have 'spent' their life when Jesus comes back again!  [Matt. 16:24-28, Mk 8:34-38, Luke 9:23-27]

Behold, the lesson of the strawberries... DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE!